Sunday, September 14, 2008

Party of One

We attended another party today. Such a busy social calendar. Why yes, they've all been children's parties, what's your point?

The Noodle tends to pretty much do his own thing at such shindigs. Today his own thing was stuffing his face with a staggering variety of salt, food colouring, preservatives, saturated fats, carbs and sugars then gathering everything he could find at our friends' house and pushing it under the fence into their neighbour's yard. A sizeable temper tantrum followed the eventual discovery (where's so and so's hat gone? and my handbag?) and chastisement. I keep telling him the only sin is to get caught.

I tried to tempt him into playing soccer with some older boys - approaching school age - but was none-too politely informed the game wasn't for babies. The unspoken implication was that old geezers like me could just fuck off an' all too. Fine.

Then a game of pass-the-parcel was organised. Yes, some enforced socialisation should be just what the doctor ordered. I took Patrick outside to rejoin the circle of manhood and bluff my way through conversations about footy finals, leaving Knickers inside trying to convince the Noodle that, historically speaking, sitting in the middle of the circle is not the way to play.

Some hysterical screaming came from inside, but what of it? It wasn't my son and I'd just gotten into a conversation about books, and Ultimate Fighting, so was feeling much more comfortable. Then Knickers appeared, a sobbing Noddle dug chocolate covered fingers into her white coat and thunderclouds danced around her brow. She thrust him at me.

'Your son just assaulted the birthday boy and stole his chocolate.'

Noodle and J, the birthday boy, have a bit of history. When J comes to our house he plays nicely with the toys while Noodle shrieks and blusters and tries to snatch them off him. Roles are reversed at J's house. That being said they are always happy to see each other and Noodle gets excited whenever we tell him we're going to play with J and E (older sister and co-birthday haver) and they only occasionally attempt to throttle each other.

'No I didn't' howled Noodle. Apparently oblivious to the fifteen witnesses and the evidence smeared over his face and hands.

At this stage I'm not overly concerned about his behaviour, but if it continues or escalates it will be a bit of a worry. Last week at my nephew's party a bigger boy, probably nearly entirely unprovoked, pushed Noodle over and I was sorely tempted to go over and slap the kid (thump. that's for being violent!) so I can imagine what other parent's were thinking watching Noodle strongarm the birthday boy. Thank God it's not my kid for once, most probably.

Meanwhile my wife still isn't talking to me after I stole scrabble victory last night with a last gasp 'fa' (a long, long way to run). She insists it is a stupid, pathetic and cheatery word. I say, mayhap, but it is also in the dictionary.

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At September 15, 2008 at 10:35 AM , Blogger squib said...

It gets even better when they start biting other kids

At September 15, 2008 at 11:52 AM , Blogger Kath Lockett said...

Wait until he discovers what 'dobbing' is... Actually, it's easier then, because you can just wave it all off with, "I don't want to hear it, if it's dobbing."

At September 15, 2008 at 5:33 PM , Blogger franzy said...

Glad to have to back.
I know it's only been a couple of days, but I'm going to go ahead and ask you to just drop everything else and blog a couple of times a day?
That'd be greaat.

At September 15, 2008 at 6:33 PM , Blogger myninjacockle said...

Squib - he had his/a biting phase early on, though not pre-teeth early on unfortunately. I think we're through it but I still kick him whenver he runs at me. Just to be safe.

Kath - I was expecting you to absolve him of all, being that J was waving chocolate alluriningly around and clearly asking for it (like uncovered meat to a cat).

Franzy - good to be back. So much uni work to do so may be blogging excessively or not at all over coming days.

At September 15, 2008 at 7:14 PM , Blogger Miles McClagan said...

There's nothing 4 year old Miles wouldn't have done for chocolate (or a Choc Wedge).

When it was 92 though, I changed my allegiance to Push Pops - I'd have smashed through a birthday boy for one of those things...

At September 15, 2008 at 9:42 PM , Blogger chips said...

As an aside, I think Scrabble is to blame for destroying a lot of otherwise functioning relationships.


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