Party of One

We attended another party today. Such a busy social calendar. Why yes, they've all been children's parties, what's your point?

The Noodle tends to pretty much do his own thing at such shindigs. Today his own thing was stuffing his face with a staggering variety of salt, food colouring, preservatives, saturated fats, carbs and sugars then gathering everything he could find at our friends' house and pushing it under the fence into their neighbour's yard. A sizeable temper tantrum followed the eventual discovery (where's so and so's hat gone? and my handbag?) and chastisement. I keep telling him the only sin is to get caught.

I tried to tempt him into playing soccer with some older boys - approaching school age - but was none-too politely informed the game wasn't for babies. The unspoken implication was that old geezers like me could just fuck off an' all too. Fine.

Then a game of pass-the-parcel was organised. Yes, some enforced socialisation should be just what the doctor ordered. I took Patrick outside to rejoin the circle of manhood and bluff my way through conversations about footy finals, leaving Knickers inside trying to convince the Noodle that, historically speaking, sitting in the middle of the circle is not the way to play.

Some hysterical screaming came from inside, but what of it? It wasn't my son and I'd just gotten into a conversation about books, and Ultimate Fighting, so was feeling much more comfortable. Then Knickers appeared, a sobbing Noddle dug chocolate covered fingers into her white coat and thunderclouds danced around her brow. She thrust him at me.

'Your son just assaulted the birthday boy and stole his chocolate.'

Noodle and J, the birthday boy, have a bit of history. When J comes to our house he plays nicely with the toys while Noodle shrieks and blusters and tries to snatch them off him. Roles are reversed at J's house. That being said they are always happy to see each other and Noodle gets excited whenever we tell him we're going to play with J and E (older sister and co-birthday haver) and they only occasionally attempt to throttle each other.

'No I didn't' howled Noodle. Apparently oblivious to the fifteen witnesses and the evidence smeared over his face and hands.

At this stage I'm not overly concerned about his behaviour, but if it continues or escalates it will be a bit of a worry. Last week at my nephew's party a bigger boy, probably nearly entirely unprovoked, pushed Noodle over and I was sorely tempted to go over and slap the kid (thump. that's for being violent!) so I can imagine what other parent's were thinking watching Noodle strongarm the birthday boy. Thank God it's not my kid for once, most probably.

Meanwhile my wife still isn't talking to me after I stole scrabble victory last night with a last gasp 'fa' (a long, long way to run). She insists it is a stupid, pathetic and cheatery word. I say, mayhap, but it is also in the dictionary.