Thursday, May 1, 2008

Birthday Conundrum

I've got a birthday coming up. Knickers broached the subject of presents yesterday:

'I've got an idea. I'm not sure you'll like it.'
'I'll bite. What is it?'
'A blower vac.'


'A blower vac. Are you kidding?'
'Well I'm the one who always sweeps up the leaves out the front.'
'Well I'll get you a blower vac for your birthday then.'
'I'm happy to get a new wok for my birthday.'
'Bully for you. I want a real present.'
'It's just that money is a bit tight at the moment.'


'Fine. Get me a blower vac.'
'Good. Now what about a present from my family?'
'Oh yeh, I was thinking the Colin Meloy Sings Live! CD.'
'A CD? Can't you just download it?
'Jesus Christ, we need dog food, how about you get me dog food?'
'Okay calm down.'
'You know you're turning into your grandparents. At least they have the justification of going through the depression.'
'I said okay.'
'Well, really.'

I don't care how old I get. I love my birthday and I love getting presents.

My parents, by my age, settled for getting each other inexpensive, practical gifts, but my co-mid-thirties friends are still getting themselves X-boxes and mountain bikes for their birthdays.

Oh for a moral compass to navigate my way through this dark and stormy sea of waste and consumerism.


At May 2, 2008 at 12:37 AM , Blogger franzy said...

Now you listen to me, my birthday-having friend: never give up your right to presents. Never ever ever. The only reason I am married right now is because I was so wounded and pissed off at sharing a birthday with my own mother on the day before Xmas that I wrote a short story about it for an anthology which my future broad was editing.
Mele's family do the same thing: they either hand over cash, cash I tell you in thoughtless bundles or present each other with practical items around three months beforehand because they were on sale.
'Well, I did want a blender!' exclaimed Mele when I questioned her mother's September Xmas present for it's lack surprise and magic. 'It was an expensive one!'

I know Mrs Loadedblog (I can't quite bring myself to embrace the familiarity of "Knickers" just yet) is in Fertility Goddess mode at the moment, but a precedent must not be set. It could be seen as unreasonable to expect the expectant to go trudging through Adelaide's seven suitable giftshops for just the right surprise, so accept cash instead; with the specific statement that it will be spent upon joyous, frivolous consumables capable of being enjoyed by Mr LB and Mr LB alone. Be it a block of stinky cheese or that immensely desirable Lego Ferrari 612, it is all for you.
Demand it.
Imply that she might be getting a wok for her birthday or she might be one of those lucky woman who receive a helpful collection of soap-on-ropes or a cubic metre of disposable nappies.

I am with you, brother.

At May 2, 2008 at 11:31 AM , Blogger Kath Lockett said...

Me too! Franzy has put it so very eloquently.

I still feel utter shame at giving my mother - I was only ten years old at the time, mind you - a flip top rubbish bin for her birthday present. *blush*

A couple of Christmasses ago, Love Chunks gave me "Your favourite movies" on DVD. Yeah right - they were HIS - Blade Runner Director's Cut, Amadeus, The Deer Hunter.....

At May 10, 2008 at 8:12 AM , Blogger myninjacockle said...

Hard to compete with your mother and adorable baby Jesus Franzy. I hear your pain. Still it brought you love, and possibly a screenplay for a telemovie.
Sage advice, but Knickers has become conditioned to practical gifts. Her family being not dissimilar to Mele's by the sound of it. Threatening her with outdoor furniture would be a pyrrhic victory akin to throwing Brer Rabbit in a briar patch.

Kath - is Love Chunks aware you're telling people Amadeus is one of his favourite films? I mean I love The Princess Bride, but I don't tell anyone...(Damn).


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