My Two Sons

Knickers woke me up to yell at me the other night. Apparently I kept rolling over in my sleep, thus preventing her from getting some precious shuteye.
I drifted back off, pondering how the slumbering mind might bring the free wheeling body to heel.
Another elbow to the ribs.

'Your son needs you.'
'Mmmich one?'
'Noodle.'

I should have guessed, my non-lactating body is of precious little use to Patrick in the wee hours of the morning. Ideally he should go a minimum of three hours between the start of feeds. Ideally I should have enough money to not have to stand in supermarket aisles pondering if 800g for $3.89 is better value than 600g for $3.25.

The Noodle had had an attack of the night terrors, obviously brought on by my bedtime reading of The Gruffalo, which he didn't care for, and the sudden onset of silence as Patrick took a break from his erstwhile incessant shrieking.

I staggered into Noodle's room and collapsed onto the bed next to him. We pushed and shoved for a while, as he shares his mother's proclivity for holding the centre of the bed, but eventually settled with him lying on my chest with his nose in my ear. He then proceeded to narrate the sounds of the night for me.

'Freight train...big freight train...like Thomas...freight train gone. Peacock gone, where'd it go? Oh, magpie...magpie gone. Noodle squash daddy (a wrestling game we play, I'm heaps better at it than him)...squash, squash...etc'

Finally his spring ran down and he fell asleep, his tiny body moulded across my neck and his snores reverberating in my ear. A truly beautiful parenting moment which I savoured for six seconds until I also fell asleep, leaving the dawn light to seep unnoticed into the room.

We've had good days and bad days as Patrick adjusts to his new life, and we also adjust accordingly. He's a healthy baby and no more work than the Noodle was at the same age - but bugger me if a 'normal' baby isn't hard work.

Patrick Marcus

...was born on 3rd July 2008 at 6:16 a.m. It was a difficult birth, my feet ached from standing, my thumbs became a little strained from massaging Knickers' shoulders and all her moans and shrieks became tiresome.

As far as mother and baby go all went well. The waters broke at 1:20, Knickers woke me up to say that she wasn't sure if both fluid sacks had broken (both? that was news to me too) but a sudden pop, gush, splash confirmed that they both definitely were now.

Too excited to sleep we rose and made tea and snacks and turned Wimbledon on. We were very cosy until the contractions started. I had the same notebook to hand in which I documented the contractions for the Noodle. Knickers was concerned about being turned back from the hospital if she wasn't advanced enough and wanted to have statistics to back up her claim.

Within twenty minutes she had gone from, 'I think I'm having one,' to ',Mother of God make it stop.'

I called her parents to come and fetch the Noodle, who was quite happy to be bundled into their car in the middle of the night. 'Good sleeps' he announced - this signifies for him the end of the sleep process and prefixes the start of the playing and eating. Not a good sign for his poor grandparents, but the least of our concern at the time.

Drove through the near deserted city, past prowling taxis and a lone garbage truck and into the assessment office of the WCH. Knickers was 7cm dilated, so no chance of being sent away. The midwife took her up to the birthing room while I went and parked the car. I was fortunate enough to get a park nearby as I only had one disgruntled possum to compete with.

Knickers was determined to have an epidural this birth but there just wasn't time in the end. She made do with hearty gasps of the gas and Patrick was born within an hour of me returning to the room.

We're still all operating under seige mentality as we adjust to the arrival of the newest member of the clan. Sleep is being snatched in hourly increments rather than swathes of the day, and an outing is taking the hounds for a wander around the oval, but all our friends and family have been fantastic. Of special note have been the care packages from Nana and Granddad containing the finest soups known to humanity; and the books from Aunty Margie Ping is about all I can handle at the moment.

More Home Remedies

We had really convinced ourselves that, because the Noodle came a week early, WUO would follow suit as is - according to popular mythology - customary.

Complete bollocks apparently.

Which means the mad scramble to finish assignments and the 'extension' has been complete and we now find ourselves in limbo.

Knickers is throwing her hat further into the murky ring of folklore and witchcraft. We've tried all the well known ones and we're now just making stuff up.

My suggestions have included:

• Making trifle (I love trifle)
• Watching UFC dvd's
• Freezing cold showers
• Confusing WUO with handstands
• Hiccup curing scares
• Drinking bleach (only a capful)

At about that point I was told that my making another suggestion or saying 'not long now' again will result in serious harm to my person.

Today is the actually due date. The doctor from the Women and Children's said they won't induce for at least a week.

I fear for us all.