Sunday, May 25, 2008

Measure Twice, Bugger It Up, Scream and Kick Something

AIM

Crib the WUO (Today's gut feeling: girl) in the front room until s/he is sleeping through the night, then, throw them to the Noodle. We're sure he'll cope really, really well with sharing.

I'm sitting in the front room now. It measures 2 x 2.5m, and contains the computer, doors to our bedroom and the front yard, a round window and a doorway to the lounge. Obviously we'd move the computer. Can't have a baby screaming in my ear while I'm trying to study.

Though it's not all bad. One clear advantage of storing a child by the front door would be that if a mad dingo pack chewed their way in they'd be temporarily distracted by the baby, giving us enough time to bail out the window and make a run for it.



METHOD

Today I attempted to add another door to the doorway. That way the WUO won't be exposed to the Big Brother Final Eviction in her/his first few weeks of life. A neighbour three houses down left some doors out on the road a few weeks ago. I scurried down like a rat under the cover of darkness and liberated one. I hope no-one saw me in my shame.

Luckily it was 40mm too short. Lucky because the universe would implode if something just worked out nicely. I measured carefully and went and purchased a length of timber - same width as the door and 35mm thick - some new hinges and some screws. I cut the timber to length and spent a fair bit of time screwing it to the bottom of the door.

What I hadn't measured was the other side of the door frame. It happens to be about 20mm shorter. This made my extended door 15mm too tall. Fine, whatever, I'll just trim it down.

I unscrewed the timber, put it in the vise, marked it and attempted to trim it with a circular saw. The saw jagged and the timber split.


RESULT

I unplugged the saw and placed it gently down. Then I kicked the shed wall. It made a very satisfying thump. I swore a bit and thought about kicking the saw. Decided against it. Thought a little longer about kicking one of the hounds, but they'd scarpered. No fools those dogs.


CONCLUSION

DIY is for fools. Stay in school, earn more money. Employ someone competent to do it.

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2 Comments:

At May 26, 2008 at 7:50 AM , Blogger Kath Lockett said...

You poor bloke! And it never ends you know. Our renovations have supposedly completed but cracks have re-opened and there's the fiddly bits like painting the outside window frames that we both ignore and forget when we walk inside, let alone the entire back garden....

And I can see a smidgen of your door which indicates you're in an old-and-interesting house like ours (ours - 1924). This means that *nothing* is equal or square - we have a bathroom door that is so sloped there's a triangular piece of wood added to the top (by god knows who or how long ago) and you could still aim a basketball through it, and the floorboards definitely have the feel of a rolling ship to them. The joys of old houses I guess.

 
At May 30, 2008 at 3:47 PM , Blogger squib said...

We tried to replace a broken deadlock once. We bought the exact same dead lock from Bunnings, read and re-read the instructions. Piece of cake

Four and a half hours later and in dire need of marriage counselling, we rang the locksmith

 

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