Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Do That Not

The Noodle's language skills are improving daily. Today he counted, '124689'. So, not a math prodigy (unless he was calculating pi to twelve thousand places), but impressive for his age and considerably improved since he used to refer to all birds as ducks - and say 'fuck' all the time.

What's really getting to me is trying not to say 'Don't'. Like there's a better way to begin a sentence in which I'd like to express my desire for him to decease from putting toast in the video, drinking bubble soap, eating dog food or washing his hands in my urine stream.

I can't even remember what friggen new age parenting manual came up with the idea. Will we damage their precious little psyches by confronting them with such a negative word? Surely third degree burns or a broken limb would be more distressing then a few well placed, timely 'don't s'? But of course I've signed up for it and so find myself constructing some very vague sentences of dubious grammatical merit.

  • How about we stop throwing cans in the supermarket?
  • If you want to browse the internet on Daddy's phone, how about you pay the bill?
  • Well Daddy can see how much fun climbing the bookshelf is, but have you considered the law of gravity?
  • Sure spiders are fun, just like trips to emergency.

Obviously what Daddy also has to work on is refraining from referring to himself in the third-person.



At May 16, 2008 at 6:42 PM , Blogger franzy said...

Have you tried the moral path?

"Smashing plates is BAD"

Or is that worse than 'Don't'?

I also think that 75% of your solutions were questions and so that sets yourself up for the classic politicians/lawyers/carsalesman blunder: Never ask a question to which you yourself are not absolutely sure of the answer.

"Don't you think you should stop dropping bricks on the dog?"

At May 17, 2008 at 2:15 PM , Blogger Kath Lockett said...

LOL love your article and Franzy's response! After about, oh I don't know, three months of, "Look sweetie, it hurts your Daddy when you poke him in the willy with the golf club" it rapidly descended into NO.
"No! Put the vase down!"
"NOOOOO, powerpoints are not for wet fingers!"
"Noooo, poo poos go into the potty, not on your pillow!"

It seemed to work OK.

At May 21, 2008 at 1:42 PM , Blogger myninjacockle said...

True dat Franzy and, yes, VFF. In my brief time as a parent I'm learning to move away from, 'Do you want to clean your teeth?' to more declarative sentences, 'we're getting in the car now.'

I think you're right Kath. Imagine how damaging it will be for them to reach their teenage years and have no horror parent stories. They'll be virtual outcasts.


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